I Hate Your Pity

If I had known 2 1/2 months ago what being in love was going to be like, I probably would've been torn in half over what to do. Because most of the time, it's pure bliss. Everythings good, he treats me like no one has ever treated me. He holds me when I cry, and cheers me on when I'm trying something new. But then there's times like these. When I'm sitting at home alone on a saturday night with the company of stir-fry and a movie that I'm watching for a paper for school. And he's off at college meeting new people, hanging out with other girls, loving life and I feel like a fucking housewife. Cleaning the house getting ready for my sister and her kids to come stay for a month and a half, doing and folding laundry, doing homework. I hate these moments. If this is what the rest of my life is going to be like, always a step behind, never the same active social life, then fuck it. I'm not getting married. Fuck settling down. But then again, I love him so much and I would give anything to be with him forever. I probably sound like an idiot ranting like this but I needed someplace to vent. And sure, I'm going to spend the entire day on campus with him, but I still feel second rate to him. I mean, here I am, still in high school, struggling before school even starts to get papers done for my senior elective english class. Trying to decide if I'm going to college or not. Probably not, Coast Guard here I come. Trying to be as much of an adult as he is, Mr. College Freshman. Makes friends with everyone he meets. Doesn't realize how much it hurts when he forgets to call when he says he's going to call. Doesn't answer my texts. It's not even like I'm being overbearing. We texted back and forth this morning as he was getting ready to move in. I called to check in this afternoon, see how he was adjusting, he called to let me know that he was going to pick up some things at walmart, 4 hours ago. I call, left him a voicemail, figuring he was just busy, sent him a text letting him know that I loved him. Finally called again 2 hours later and he was too busy to talk for more than 2 mins. Promising a call when he was done at this short orientation thing in about an hour. Lets see if he actually calls. If this is what it's going to be like, I'm in for a stressful year.